We at Generation Bubble proudly present Chip, our latest Bubble Baron.
Chip’s thoughts are kinkier than his deeds. He put his finger in his girlfriend’s butt once when she was drunk — but not so drunk as to miss his nuts with her knee.
Chip’s schemes are more remarkable than his aims. He used his day-trader uncle’s T1 line once to hack Stub Hub for third-row-center seats to the Dave Matthew’s Band — a show which a suspicious smelling parking-lot falafel and a case of Natty Light kept him from actually seeing.
Chip’s appetites are stronger than his affections. He once scraped his roommate’s bong with his girlfriend’s iPod, breaking both. Desperate, he improvised a pipe out of a broken penis pump and an empty cat-food tin.
Chip’s aspirations are higher than his grades. Pizza delivery men don’t stay delivery men; they eventually become shift leaders.
Chip’s expenditures are more regular than his hygiene. He bought hash off a black dude downtown once, only to discover the hash was actually some rat turds twisted into gum-wrapper foil. He smoked them anyway.