We at Generation Bubble proudly present Chip, our latest Bubble Baron.

Chip’s thoughts are kinkier than his deeds. He put his finger in his girlfriend’s butt once when she was drunk — but not so drunk as to miss his nuts with her knee.

Chip’s schemes are more remarkable than his aims. He used his day-trader uncle’s T1 line once to hack Stub Hub for third-row-center seats to the Dave Matthew’s Band — a show which a suspicious smelling parking-lot falafel and a case of Natty Light kept him from actually seeing.

Wakin', bakin', money makin': bubble baron Chip.

Chip’s appetites are stronger than his affections. He once scraped his roommate’s bong with his girlfriend’s iPod, breaking both. Desperate, he improvised a pipe out of a broken penis pump and an empty cat-food tin.

Chip’s aspirations are higher than his grades. Pizza delivery men don’t stay delivery men; they eventually become shift leaders.

Chip’s expenditures are more regular than his hygiene. He bought hash off a black dude downtown once, only to discover the hash was actually some rat turds twisted into gum-wrapper foil. He smoked them anyway.